42 Pieces of Advice for my 42nd Birthday
October 4, 2021
On my 42nd birthday, I started thinking about some of the advice I give myself… So, here in no particular order, are some of the things I want to remember every day.
- Be grateful every day. You woke up – you’re alive. You ate breakfast – you have food. Realise that you can be grateful for things you don’t like. You have to empty the dishwasher? Good. You have running water, technology and the money to pay for electricity. You are blessed.
- Go outside more. Feel the sun on your cheeks, the wind in your hair or the rain hit your skin. Enjoy the humbling experience of wild nature on this big, beautiful planet. Do this at least once a day.
- Prioritise sleep. It’s crucial to your immune health, wellbeing, and tolerance of people. Do whatever it takes to get 7 hours a night.
- Before you speak. Listen. And then listen harder. Ask questions. Dig deeper to understand others’ opinions and experiences – it’s not all about you.
- Reduce, reuse and as a last resort, recycle. At this rate, our children will inherit a trashed earth. Do everything you can to change that.
- When you fuck up, (and you will!) say ‘sorry’ and mean it. It’s that simple.
- There’s really no such thing as failure, there’s just experience. It’s what you do with that experience that counts.
- Practice non-attachment. Being attached to an outcome almost always ends in unnecessary heartache.
- Go through every room and every cupboard of your house and organise everything. You’ll be amazed at how much time you gain when it’s not spent looking for things you can’t find in the chaos.
- Your body is actually a temple that you will live in for a lifetime. Treat it that way.
- Eat good food. Not too much. Mostly plants. (Borrowed from Michael Pollan). Add lots of herbs and spices. Add a little extra garlic and lots of extra vegetables to every recipe.
- Chill out on the sugar. Yes, quality dark chocolate is a good idea occasionally. That tub of ice cream… Not so much.
- Exercise every day especially if you have a desk job. Get a standing desk or walk around when you talk on the phone. A sedentary lifestyle is no good for anyone.
- Give generously. You probably have more than you need and more than most.
- Surround yourself with plants. Treat them like part of the family. They work every day to clean the air you breathe.
- If you get irrationally angry at a stranger over something silly, (think bad drivers or rude customer service) try to imagine that they’ve been through something tough and the edge of your rage will soften.
- Most of the time, anger is a complete waste of your energy. There’s no point in poisoning yourself with elevated stress hormones. Breathe through it.
- On that note, BREATHE longer, deeper, more slowly. Fill your belly with life-giving oxygen. Shallow chest breathing is keeping you trapped in a cycle of stress.
- Everybody reaches the end of their tether sometimes. When you get there, STOP everything you are doing and step outside to take lungfuls of fresh air. Keep going until you feel calm. Remember harsh words that take seconds to spill from your mouth can sting for years.
- If your kids have a trampoline, use it. It’s impossible to be in a bad mood when bouncing on a trampoline.
- Right now, think about the three things you love most about your best friend. You didn’t mention their looks, did you? Know that your reflection in the mirror is not as important as you might think and besides, constant self-criticism will get you nowhere.
- Remove your earbuds when you’re having a conversation with someone – anyone. Even when you’re paying at a supermarket checkout. It’s common courtesy and important to give others the human connection they deserve.
- Plant wildflowers and stop using glyphosate. Do your best to save the bees. We really need them.
- When you make mistakes in life, reflect on how you can do better and then go ahead and do better.
- A smile works in every language. Give them freely and abundantly.
- Loud music ALWAYS makes housework more enjoyable.
- If you care about someone, make sure that you hug them for at least three seconds to get the happy hormones going.
- Every time you get annoyed when your child asks for yet another kiss at bedtime, remember that one day they won’t ask you anymore. Give them a kiss, breathe them in, hold them for longer and cherish this little person that worships you.
- You can choose to be offended. Or not. So choose to be offended by the big issues (inequality, global warming, racism) and use that to fuel positive action. Don’t waste your time and energy being offended by random people on Facebook.
- Be sociable outside of social medial. Call people. Gather for dinner. Walk and talk. Stop sharing your smoothie online, or ‘liking’ other people’s smoothies online and go out and live life.
- Be very careful of your news media consumption. Its purpose is to attract eyeballs through shock, fear, distress and bad news. It’s not designed to be good for your health and it isn’t.
- Treat water as the precious resource it is. Your children will be living through a time of extreme water scarcity.
- Try to become more of a minimalist. Consumption and greed is the greatest downfall of our species. Retail therapy isn’t actually therapy.
- Speak to yourself the way you would love to be spoken to.
- You should probably drink more water. Go and grab a glass.
- Mealtimes are for engaging with those you love and a crucial investment in your child’s health, wellbeing and success. Make quality time with your family a priority. And never have your phone on the table.
- Books will feed your imagination, your soul and your knowledge. Read your kids’ bedtime stories and then read for yourself every night.
- Laughter really is medicine. Find a way to belly laugh every day. Life is too serious as it is.
- Stop being in dictator mode and spend more time in play mode. Your kids will love you for it and it will make your life with them easier and more enjoyable.
- Take time to stretch and do it often. Thousands of years of yoga practice can’t be wrong.
- When in the presence of people you love, be truly present.
- In case numbers 36 and 41 didn’t get through and you need reminding: put your damn phone down.
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We need to talk about expectations because it seems to be standard these days that everyone’s expectations are too damn high.
As I see it, the challenge for our generation is that we are ‘unlearning’. For example, there’s still a tendency to believe that adults can feel and express anger, but our children must not.
If I ask you what you want your kids to be, chances are you’ll say ‘happy,’ right?
Lockdowns are REALLY challenging for your mental health – and for your children’s wellbeing too. In a time of global uncertainty, I feel a call to sit gently with our emotions and take a conscious approach to the structure of the day.
